that is all. 

In the name of the best within us: He found it.

Scrolling through Facebook, doing the usual procrastination of the mundane, when I see a post by a girl who I am not even sure I've ever had a conversation with. We were in the same grade, in 6th grade before I moved and she was always way above me, so why we are friends on FB, I have no idea. But I am grateful for all the years of posts I didn't care about because they allowed me to find this one. She has a friend, Devin Aadland, who has a talent and a passion and is doing something with it. He works with photography and art, and btw, is also in a band called Molly's Worst Enemy. I can't tell you why this was so meaningful to me, but something about this video really inspired me, it made me think back to my goals. Why am I where I am, and   am I doing what will help me get to where I want to go. His work inspires me to be who I want to be, to never change, and to be proud of that.

 His photog page: https://www.facebook.com/aadlandphotography
The video that changed my day:  Devin Aadland: Dec 8, 2012 2:42pm


Most of all, in the middle of this oh so stressful finals week, his short video gave  me a healing reprive from the tedious work of the unimportant and made me feel valuable again.
Shout out to Devin Aadland, you are a new hero of mine. When you do something big and shake the world, I'll be applauding from Seattle.

me&you.

Stop thinking you are special.

You are amazing.

Why do you think you are better than anybody else?

You are no different!

We all think that way.

Tell me everything you think about.

That isn’t new!

It’s not that big of a deal!

Why can’t you just tell me?

You did a terrible job of explaining that.

Stop doing that!

Just talk to me!

You talk too much!

You are special!

You are different and smart!

You think more than anyone I know.

I love you!

You think too much!

Just because I am not doesn’t mean I wasn’t.

You caught me at the worst time.

I’ll hurry.

I don’t do that!

Why do you do that?

Nothing can tear us apart!

You make it so hard!

My heart is willing,

But my mind is weak.

From trying to guess the next thing you might speak.

Will it be ok this time,

Or will you explode?
Should I stand my ground,

Or say you are profound.

Should I bend and conform

Or be who I am.

Is who I was what you wanted?

Or who I will be?

Or who you can make me?

For being so simple, you make my life complex.

This or that. One way or the other.

I never quite know with you.

Returning once again

I am sitting over here, silently angry over something you don’t know you did.

Secretly annoyed that you don’t know you did it,

But unwilling to bring it to light.

This isn’t the first time you have insulted me in such a way.

And yes, I took it personally.

You seem to think that you can smooth anything over with some sugar.

Well, you are wrong.

It doesn’t matter how you frost the cake if it has been made with rocks instead.

You always say you love me,

You say you always will.

Why then, is respect for who I am not imperative?

I feel I am becoming an object.

I have thought this once before, that you do not know the real me.

How can you love that which you do not know?

But you said you did and I believed you.

You proved me wrong, or so I thought, you had me fooled for a long time.

But now I am wondering again.

So many things that make me me,

You cannot seem to comprehend.

I didn’t think it was going to be like this, I thought it was going to be like everything I wanted.

But it’s not. Not yet. Not now. It was, for a while.

But can it ever be that way? Is it even worth it to imagine, or am I wishing for the impossible?

I am returning, to where I was, to the way I thought.

I will never be truly understood.

And that is ok, because that is life. 

me but not myself

me but not myself.
i hate me
but not myself
myself 
a wonderful creature 
of interest and 
love
a blossoming fountain of life
at least, 
that is what my mind tells me.
but Me.
Me.
a reminder of how much I 
detest that which I
have allowed myself
to slip into

sometime I hope
to find myself
amid all this
me
mountains and mountains of 
me 
to be climbed and conquered.

I'm on my way.