Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Stupid Kids

It's far too late for innocence
little children are asleep
the only people out
are troublemakers on the street
no one is sober
though not all've been drinking
making memories; good ones
labeled 'what was I thinking'
trees whiz by
streetlights too
the law means nothing now
we're just stupid kids out for a night
out to paint the town
the sunlight doesn't exist now
only a dark sky
speckled with stars named
love and dreams and...
kiss me now
those stupid kids have got no head
just lips and hands and
big big plans
lets run away
they took the car
they're gonna drive, fast and far
alone forever, just them together
taking on the world
but first
one more kiss
on the side of the road
to that crazy girl

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Sometimes, just getting through the day
is all I can say
an accomplishment simply to breathe
and with you gone
and me all alone
its good enough just to be
I'll pass the time
I'll wait the days
till I can feel once more
then I'll be there
smiling again
knocking on your door

Inside my Cocoon

I went to bed
all bundled up
in things you used to use
I stayed there
as long as I could
enjoying the scent filled air
When I finally got up,
slowly I dressed
In anything you'd
laid hands on
and that is how
I ended up with
two pairs of pants on
I'm wearing three shirts as well
two that you liked
and one just for the warmth
a coat you kissed me in
though I'm not cold
it's almost as if you are here
I washed my face and
brushed my teeth
but I'm not going to shower
I'm not going to wash away
all the times
you touched me
not for a few more hours
so I may look odd
I can hardly move
but that is really the point
there is no room for thinking;
missing you;
when I'm in my cocoon

Monday, January 21, 2013

That Girl at the Gate

Walking into the terminal, she quickly finds the baggage claim for his airline and sits in a chair close by, setting her cardboard sign down on the table. The sign, expertly designed from the side of a box and some permanent marker, has been drawing attention the whole trip down, as one side has two swords on it, and the other, his name. She checks the time, and then the arrival's board, and then her phone again, pacing back and forth. It's early, his flight is early, but it should have landed already and he is no where to be seen. Not wanting to be caught off guard, she stands by the baggage claim, sign in one hand as she scans the corridor in both directions.
       Waiting next to her is two women; mother and daughter she presumes. To keep her nervous mind occupied, she asks them who they are waiting for and where they are coming from. Salt Lake. It landed way before the Denver flight. Darn it. They ask her in return and she explains that her boyfriend is coming in for the weekend. Their friend arrives and they wish her luck as they walk away to retrieve baggage.
   Ten minutes later and he is still nowhere to be seen. She paces back and forth, craning to see around the people and equipment of the baggage claim floor. She checks the flight status board again and finally sees that his flight has been recorded as landed. Her heart races as she looks again and again down both sides of the hallway. A group of Utes walk up to the board and she directs them to their claim, three down the way. One in particular asks her who she is waiting for, and wishes her luck. She wishes him the best and continues and wait, the butterflies in her stomach growing unbearable.
     An older gentleman standing near the status board has been watching her and she has the distinct impression that he knows what is going on, and from the twinkle in his eye, he approves. She checks again. The flight landed at 6:33 and its now nearly 7:00; every moment is agony. She decides to check down the hall again, and walks to the other side of the board, where, standing suddenly in her way, he is there. Dressed in a brown sweater and jeans, she stops a few feet away from him, so startled to finally see him after an unbearably stressful evening of preparations and waiting.
    She says his name as she runs the few feet into his arms, trying to remember how to breathe again. He smiles and bids her hello, then puts his arm around her shoulder and guides her back to the baggage claim to wait. She stands as close as possible, looking up at him, studying every detail, remembering again what he looks like up close. People mill about, and the two women from earlier walk by with their friend wishing her a good night. Finally, grabbing his bag from the carousel, he turns with her to walk to the train and she catches the eye of that old man by the sign. He winks and nods his head, and she smiles inwardly, relieved to know that others can see the love she feels so strongly, afraid to show.


She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face in the middle of his brown sweater. He leans down, planting a soft kiss on her head; both whispering their goodbyes. Handing him his bag, she watches him walk around the rope barricades to the security line. He reaches the end of the line and turns around, smiling at his love, now twenty five feet away. A mere twenty five feet, but there is already no turning back. He has left, and she must watch him go.
   A few more moments pass and he slowly inches his way up the line, at last reaching the security attendant. He turns around and smiles again, offering a wave of goodbye. She is standing in the same place, smiling and waving back, hoping he is far enough away to not see the tears the she is blinking back. After taking his time in the security line, he sends her a text. "I love you". She replies and waves at her love, across a sea of people and barriers, designed specifically to keep people out.
    He begins to walk to his gate, and she mirrors his steps, blowing him one last smiling kiss as he rounds the corner. It is important to smile, she thinks to herself, to help him. But as soon as he is gone, her heart falls and her smile disappears. The weight of the world suddenly seems to rest on her shoulders and she doesn't know what to do with it.
    She wanders down the hall to the bathroom. For ten minutes she stands in front of the mirror, thinking and trying very hard not to think. Somehow she makes it to the train, and finds a seat in the back by herself, sending a few last text messages to her love, wishing she was there as he begged to stay, wishing she could tell him to come back through the line and stay with her forever. He promises to call her as soon as his plane lands and she fakes a happy goodbye, wishing him luck.
     Someone asks her for directions at the bus stop, and she answers but not very well, though she knows the area. She gets on the wrong bus, and gets off a few blocks later, wandering to a convenience store to buy his favorite drink. She can't get it on campus, and the idea of not having any makes her shudder, without making any sense. The store clerk looks at her strangely and she thinks she must have been staring, but it makes no difference. She crosses the street to a sandwich shop. She knows exactly what he would order, and though she doesn't really like it, she buys one, even asking for his weird sauce combination.
    Walking blindly across campus in the dark, she is faintly aware of her solitude, but the sudden loneliness in familiar surroundings renders the warning of safety unheard. She walks flat footed, shoulders slumped not in fatigue or pain, but without desire to otherwise. She shovels bites of sandwich into her mouth, noting the flavors and wondering how he could like such a combination. She isn't even hungry, but it doesn't matter, nothing she thinks or feels is of any importance tonight, only that she somehow keeps him with her. Keeps that face in her mind forever, that wave, the look in his eyes as he passed through the gate.
She was that girl at the gate.
I was that girl at the gate.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Seattle Sun

What a beautiful day
The sun seems to say
as it bounces off water so blue
What a glorious day, the fog seems to say
I'm playing with mountain tops too!
The wind and the birds all agree
that today is as great as can be
So smile as you walk and
nice words you'll talk
as you find that you're happy
too

Monday, January 14, 2013

Vanilla and Musk

I wish I were vanilla
in another life I'd be,
the kind of girl who wore
fine vanilla so lightly

put together? always
elegant? a must
poised and très intelligente;
while I am more robust

I laugh and sing and smile
they play games with their eyes
I'm silly and juvenile,
They never speak their minds

I wear fruits and spice and musk
I let my person out
and to their scent; vanilla
they hold a life devout

I may be adventurous 
but I will never be
the kind of girl who wears vanilla
vanilla isn't me

Lucky

Lucky, lucky yes I am,
to have a man like you.
Someone who completes me;
makes all my dreams come true.

Lucky, lucky, you can bet
that's how I see myself
To make me happy you would put
your own wants on a shelf.

Lucky, lucky to have found one
who waited long for me
to make up my mind to choose
the best that I have ever known

Lucky, lucky all day long
and on into the night,
you text me, call me, all the time
make everything feel right.

Lucky, lucky to know someone
that never would deny
that our love will only grow
as every day goes by

Lucky, lucky to have found such
a perfect match as this
and I will wait eternity,
and not a single moment miss.

Lucky, lucky, is the girl
who ends up next to you
I am so glad, I cannot wait;
for us to say 'I do'

Lucky, lucky for that day
in Utah when we met
and lucky now, forever more
our course is set.

Lucky, lucky..that is me,
because I have known you,
and lucky I will always be
Thank you.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Day Three

Its just day three
The day after
days one and two
There's much to do
there's much to do
work from day one
and from day two
but you spent
all your time awake
counting sheep
and dreaming late
you read some books
made conversation
you made friends
gazed constellations
What a mistake
a grave mistake
I've much to do
I'm running late
I don't understand
cette langue at all
I haven't cracked the spine
professors think
I create time
just by being alive
But on day two
I talked to you
because you were annoyed
I didn't want to lose you
so my time was work devoid
now its day three
and silly me
I am so far behind
I called in sick
Went back home
gave up and went to bed.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Don't prove me wrong

You don't know what its like to be without you.

I thought we were going to last forever, don't prove me wrong.

Always More Than Yesterday

I love you more than yesterday
for all the sweet new things you say.
For hours spent in conversation
for moments of faux speculation.
For whims and fancies
brought to life
and dreams fully supported,
for talking way into the night
and silly dreams reported.
For quips and words of reassurance;
for acceptance of my 'gifts';
for silly games of mock insurgence.
For promised forts and sheep and still
tiny little elephants.
For every fight
we've almost had
and every small "I'm sorry".
For, through the very awful worst,
you still waited for me.
For never being truly mad.
For loving me just as I am,
and asking not one single change;
though you know for you
my life I'd quickly rearrange.
For cold cold cars, acoustic guitars
and phone songs way off key (from me).
For plane tickets and long bus rides
just for some time with me.
For never doubting when I'm right
even if I'm wrong.
For telling me to dream and hope
and asking at my plans.
For not getting dangerously jealous,
when I eat with another man.
For Ireland and for our jar
of things I want to do;
For being the man in a young girl's heart,
for being a dream come true.
For all these things I've listed,
for all the ones I missed,
for all the things I've yet to learn
and every reason more;
Forever is yours if you'll just ask
for my hand belongs in yours.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Please, may I write?

Do you ever have a story?
Burning deep inside
screaming "help I must get out,
I must speak my mind!"

It's not that I don't welcome them
truly, though, I do,
a new come story is a happy thought
second only to you

But they always seem,
though they do not mean,
to come at the worst times
there's much to do and writing now
just isn't on my mind

Why can't I just spend all my life
writing till I'm gone
think of a more joyous thing
You can't, so just move on
I'll write and dream and window paint
I'll dance and sing and shout
I'll love and live and be myself
and ever do no wrong
for its hard to do a bad thing
when your mind is filled with good
so can't I write this story now?
Later I'll do the things I should.

Promise.

The 5 Minute Forecast

How does the weather change so fast?
Go from warm blue skies to gray?
Children who have just changed now
are told they cannot play
The bathers on the beaches
go fast for higher ground
and people in the streets
are madly running round
The weather was just happy now
all bright and clear as day
but suddenly its night time, how
it changes rapidly
we think we know where we are going
but when the skies change soon
be ready for a different path,
perhaps beneath the moon
No worries, child, have no fear
its just the silly weather
and really now, remember here
this wind will bring new weather.

a poorly written poem on a beautiful new story

I've never been a patient girl
my parents know that well
if there is something that I want
I'll make it happen now
the waiting game is not my best
Though I often have to play it
I wish I could have the best things now
and leave old age for the rest

I wish I could have more money
so I could go to school
I wish it didn't take clothes and food
to be considered cool
I wish I lived closer to you
but not outside my city
so lets just move the city too,
They'll appreciate new scenery.

I think I'd like to jump right now
to years that've yet to come
to future times and love and fun
that wait beyond the sun
I think you and I
should run away, just
pack some bags and run
I think we should go far from here
where our names are not yet known

I hope we make it through the years
of waiting for the day
when we won't be away any more,
when yours will be my name
some people think I'm crazy
and that they rightly must
for I've never been a girl whose
stories you could strictly trust

I've always loved a tale to tell
and often that I do
but I've never spun a single one
when it comes to you.
We made our own beginning
one I've never heard before
with cardboard swords and
flipping phones, did cupid teach you that?

Now for the middle and the end
will you help me write those too?
I'd like some love and laughter,
lets add adventure too!
Now you know I'm not a patient girl,
and a day spent writing is bliss
but you should know I'll meddle not,
for every moment in this story
is one I cannot miss

these four walls

four walls, so tall
so plain and usual
they used to be my home
whether white or blue or lavender of old
they always did contain me
my stuff inside
my body too,
it's where I laid my head
my life inside four solid walls
just another normal bed

but no more now,
not these four walls
though inside them I still dwell;
I'm living in a new home now
outside the walls which surround.

my love is in a small small town
in a land known for its red
rocks named by natives long ago,
that's where I rest my head.

my heart is the story books
placed up upon my shelves
though happily I visit those
which yet have proper selves.

my spirit soars from place to place
searching for the white
I never stop for anything
unless it feels just right

my body sits
on this old bed
many others it has supported
but me? not here, not now, not ever
have I lived where I reported

my eyes they travel on the lake
or to the shining lights
or shoot off into the endless space
in a moment, they just might

my fingers live around a pen
and resting on some paper
though I can say they'd rather be
wrapped around another's

my dreams reside in distant lands
where skies are often gray
with wind and water and people strange
I spend my drifting day

my feet they live in running shoes
or in those brand new heels
all they really care to know
is how going somewhere feels

my ears float off to wandering heights
melodies all my own
borrowed or created new
its on music notes they're home

my mind sits in a classroom
for people new and old and so
who sprinkle knowledge in the air,
for me, waiting, to collect it there

my soul it thrives in passion
in sights and sounds robust
it matters not where I find it
but to survive I must

these four walls
its where I am
and where I'm forever not
but these four walls
to call my own,
they're really all I've got
these four walls
right here and now,
might be where you find me
but listen close and don't forget
these walls do not contain me



to be

to be alive
to breathe and think
to walk and run
and dance

to be in love
to talk and write
to smile and kiss
hold hands

to be inspired
to dream and hope
to study and ponder
make plans

to do good things
to reach and aide
to hear and speak
be friends

to act yourself
to speak your mind
to shine out loud
strong stance

to know your soul
spend time alone
search your mind
and let it all out